2:21

I could say I was blessed. I have my music, my passion for writing, and drawing. I'm blessed for having good people whom I could talk to, and even if I don't talk, they notice. They always notice when I am being distant and not with myself. They always notice when I am depressed and there are a few who catch me even before I hit rock bottom.

I self harm. And I consider this being blessed as well. Even if I constantly wanna mutilate (forgive the word) myself, it still helps me get back to reality. The reality of not wanting to die. The reality of wanting to survive no matter how painful life is.

I'm blessed for being strong. For not letting all the suicidal thoughts get the best of me. I was envious of all the people who had successfully committed suicide for the courage they have into leaving everything behind. But that shouldn't be the case. I should be thankful I am still here, alive. Depressed, anxious, thinking life is always gonna be hard, but alive. I should be blessed I have this life and nothing more. Not anyone gets a chance to live and experience every hardships and failure and still stand.

Everything will suck but at the end of the day, there will still be that helping hand waiting for you at home, there will still be that tap on the back saying you did well at work, there will still be that friendly hugs, moonlight kisses and cuddles under warm sheets. There will still be that love and hope surrounding us making sure we don't bail out of life.

xx