Seasonal depression ulit

Masaya kanina.
Biglang natakot
Biglang nadismaya
Biglang nasaktan
Biglang nalungkot.

Biglaan.

Umibe no Onnanoko

...

Aww it.

Awitan mo ako...
gamit ang bawat pintig ng puso mo.

Late

Para siyang yung mini bus
at ikaw naman yung big bus.

Alam kong late na ako.
Darating yung mini bus.
Pag doon ako sasakay, alam kong secured na ako.
Hindi man makarating sa tamang oras, at least panatag ako na may magdadala sa akin sa dapat kong paroonan.

Tumigil yung mini bus.
Niyaya akong sumakay.
Pero ako'y umiling.
Ilang pilitan pa ang nangyari bago siya tuluyang umandar at umalis para ipagpatuloy ang byahe.

At ikaw...
Ikaw, yung big bus, pa rin ang hinihintay ko sa araw-araw.
Ikaw kung saan alam kong magiging kumportable ang aking byahe ngunit wala ang seguridad na hinahanap ko.
Dahil walang katiyakan kung kelan darating
Dahil wala ring katiyakan ang oras ng paghahatid mo sa akin sa dapat kong patunguhan
Dahil hindi ko alam kung darating ka pa nga ba talaga.

Pero patuloy pa rin kitang hihintayin sa araw-araw
Patuloy ko pa ring ipagdarasal na sana'y paglabas ko, matyempuhan ko ang iyong pagdating

Ngunit...
May paparating na namang mini bus.

Sasakay na ako ha?

Noong araw ng Linggo

Pinapakinggan kita.

Dinig na dinig ko sa pagitan ng mga makabagong telepono ang galak sa iyong tinig habang binabalikan ang lahat ng nangyari noong nakaraang linggo.
Ramdam na ramdam ko ang sinasabi mong saya dahil sa mga pangyayaring naganap.
At ako ma'y hindi mapigilang madala at muling gunitain sa isip ang munting alaala ng sabi mo nga'y mahabang araw na iyon.

Ang daming nangyari.
Nakipagkita sa isang kaibigan
Nagpaikot-ikot
Kumain
Naglaro
Nanood ng sine
Nag usap ng "medyo" masinsinan.

Sa tuwing nakakasama kita, wala na akong ibang hinihiling kundi ang huwag matapos ang araw.
Na sana'y patuloy itong umusad, kahit paulit-ulit, huwag lamang humantong sa oras na kailangan na nating maghiwalay at magpaalam.
Pero kailanma'y hindi yun mangyayari.
Kailanma'y hindi yun matutupad.
Darating at darating tayo sa puntong iyon.
Darating at darating tayo sa oras kung saan kailangan nang maghiwalay.

Kung panandalian lamang o permanente ang paghihiwalay na iyon, wala isa man sa atin ang nakakaalam.

Niyakap mo ako sa bus
Hinalikan kita. Hinalikan mo ako.
At habang papalapit ang bababaan ko, naisip ko na sana'y dumating ang araw na kasama na kita sa bawat pagbaba ko sa ano mang byahe ng buhay.

Pinapakinggan kita habang patuloy mo pa ring idinedetalye ang mga nangyari.
Pero isa lang ang naintindihan ko.
Masaya ka.
At sapat na sa aking malaman iyon.

Ahh.

Gusto kong sulitin ang bawat araw na nakakasama ka.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit,
pero habang papalapit ang araw kung
saan tayo'y magiging malaya na,
pakiramdam ko ay siya ring araw
na paghihiwalayin tayo ng tadhana.

Less help

I feel helpless.
And i hate it.

10:47

#selfpity

12:56

Superhero overload :D

KINIKILIG AKO KAY BATMAAAAN! <3<3<3

Oh.

Yung nakatayo ka lang sa gilid ng kalsada
pero muntik ka pa ring masagasaan.

Sayang.

Prologue

She saw him.

After all these years she hadn't seen him, she thought he was gone. Gone somewhere far away. She even imagined him being dead, a hundred times until it was all she could only believe.

But apparently, he's not. He was there, in the alleyway, standing under the snow on a cold bright night, not minding the freezing weather.

"No." she thought.
"This is just a dream."

She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened it again, hoping he was just an apparition, a figment of her imagination. But he didn't disappear. He was still standing there. As if waiting for someone.

She felt terror rushing through her veins. All memories she had tried to suppress came flowing out her mind. She felt numb. She couldn't move. The cold weather became even colder and the bright evening suddenly went dark. She can't breathe. Suddenly she wanted to take off all her clothes just to breathe in some air. She was suffocating. It felt as though the world became a small box and only the two of them were inside. It was suffocating. The sight of him was suffocating. She couldn't take it anymore. She wanted release. She wanted to ease the tension, the panic and the terror.

She reached inside her winter coat pocket. She felt that familiar cold object inside, gripped it.

She saw him walk towards her. She felt another surge of panic. She needed to get away from that place. Away from the sight of him. She ran away. Entered a diner and went straight the bathroom.

She was breathing hard. She sat on the toilet bowl. Suddenly she felt like she needed to puke. But she took out the object from her pocket instead. Felt the sharp blade on her thumb. She then took off her coat, rolled up her sleeve and started cutting her arms.

She felt that familiar pain on her flesh. She closed her eyes. She could still see him in her mind.
Cut.
She could see him standing.
Cut. More pain.
She could see him looking at her.
Cut deeper. He's smiling at her.
Cut. Cut. Cut. He started walking towards her.

She felt the terror growing. Her hand gripped the razor tighter, slicing her flesh deeper and deeper. Her breathing, harsh. Her heart pounding on her chest. She felt the tears running down her cheeks.She bit her lip. She could almost taste her own blood from her lips, mixed in with her salty tears.

He's coming closer.. and closer.
Cuts faster and faster.
She couldn't feel the pain from her cuts anymore .

He reached out his hands to her, as if to grab her. She closed her eyes tighter.

"no.. please no!" she thought.
"go away!" she screamed.

Then she was drawn back to reality by a sudden knock on the bathroom stall.

"miss? Are you okay?" a voice called out.
"y-yeah." she called back in a small voice.

She felt a pang of pain from her arms. She ain't numb anymore. She saw her arms still bleeding from the cuts. She cried harder. But is now calmer. She felt as if she had just been awakened from a nightmare.

"no," she said.
"this is still a nightmare. i am not yet awake.."

The terror of knowing he's back in town is still there. In the deep recesses of her heart.

Le Monstre Charmant

In the past, there was a monster who took the form of a little girl, who was accompanied by a rabbit. The monster used its powers to help the underprivileged, and the rabbit was its guard, protecting the monster against those who tried to harm it.

A lot of people loved the monster. However, in time, a person of power set his sights on the monster, determined to catch her as “proof” of his power. The man and his followers killed the rabbit when it tried to protect the monster. And so he had the monster…or so he thought.

But… the monster had died.

It was then discovered that the monster and the rabbit were one.
The rabbit was the monster’s “heart”.
The monster and the rabbit were two forms, but one being.

- Gosick episode 22

I am thawing.

"I am spinning the silk threads of my story,
weaving the fabrics of my world.

I spun out of control.

Eating was hard.
Breathing was hard.
Living was hardest.

I wanted to swallow the bitter seeds of forgetfulness...
Somehow, I dragged myself out of the dark and asked for help.
I spin and weave and knit my words and visions until a life starts to take shape.

There is nos magic cure,
no making it all go away forever.

There are only small steps upward;
an easier day,
an unexpected laugh,
a mirror that doesn't matter anymore.

I am thawing."

- Wintergirls

12.13

Wala. Kyoot lan. At sweet. :')


*it's times like these I learn to live again.

02/12/11

Sinubukan kong magbago para sa isang tao. Nagawa ko. Pero sa huli, naisip ko, hindi pala pwede un. Hindi dapat. Dahil kung talagang mahal ka niya, kaya niyang tanggapin kung ano ka pa.

kwentong barbero

Mahal kita pero mahal ko na rin siya.
Napapasaya mo ako pero mas napapasaya niya ako ngayon.
Gusto kong muling makasama ka. Ayoko nang mahiwalay pa sa kaniya.
Pag kausap ko siya, nakakalimutan kita
Pag kausap kita, siya na lang ang nasa alaala
Walang sandali na hindi siya nawala sa isip ko
Samantalang kailangan mo pang huliin ang atensyon ko

Alam kong hindi na ito patas
Mas lalong hindi na ito tama.

Pero ayaw kitang mawala
ngunit mas lalong
hindi ko kayang bitawan siya.

Yung pakiramdam

Na parang gusto mong lumayo.
Na isang hakbang palang ang nagagawa mo
doble na agad pabalik ang kapalit nito.

Yung pakiramdam ni Chito Miranda nung
kantahin niya ang mga katagang...

"I taaaaaake one step awaaaay-
then I find myself coming back
to youuuu.
My one and only,
One and only youuu."

Panata

Parang ngayon lang nagkaroon ng katuparan yung panatang sinumpaan ko sa pahinang ito noong ika-tatlumpo ng Nobyembre, apat na taon ang lumipas.

Woot. :')

Sundays

Sunday is for missing

things
places
emotions
events

and people.
Especially people.

xx