minsan -- a fiction.

i was sobbing at the corner of that room. that room which had been a witness to my shattered dream. i cried so hard til there's no more tears left. i want to ease the pain im feeling...pain...physically and emotionally. i want to shout coz im angry, but only little sobs came out of my mouth. i feel like a helpless little child... because of that man... my brother... i looked at him with fiery eyes. anger has filled up my senses. but i can do nothing. my body aches. i am hurt... he was standing in the middle of the room, putting his clothes on..."what are doing just sitting there?! c'mon dress up! mom and dad will be home later. and why are you cryin' my little girl? did i hurt you?" he said with a chuckle...again, anger filled up my whole system...i am just fourteen...i cant do anything...i want to hit him hard but i cant. i knew i just cant. he walked near me. he squatted in front of me. he tried to touch me but i avoided his touch. he laughed... "why are you so afraid of me, my dear? you are so beautiful i cant resist to touch you." he whispered... tears again streamed down my face... "ssshhh...dont cry, girl...dont cry...dont worry next time, more pleasure i will give you..." he said with a laugh... "dont you ever tell what just happened to anyone...especially to mom and dad...or else..." then he walked out of the room laughing hard....i dont know what he's going to do with me if i tell what happened to anybody. i just dont know. all i know is that what he had just said was something i need to be scared of...

everyday i tried so hard to avoid him. whenever he's around, i trembled with fear. i became totally paranoid. i even thought i might go insane. i dont go out of my room whenever he's in the house for fear it might happen again...but thank God it never did...

a month had passed since that incident. and im back to normal again...one school day, i went home late only to find out that mom and dad had gone out for a one week out of town trip. fear rushed through my veins... my heart beats fast... "oh, my God...did he also went with them?" i asked myself..."hey sis, why so late huh?" that answered my question... "dinner's ready in a minute so you better go upstairs and change your clothes..." he walked near me, cupped my face then whispered... "i missed you..." shivers run down my spine as he said that. i hurriedly went upstairs and locked myself in my room. "hey little girl, open the door. it's time for dinner!" i heard him knocking at my door. i was so afraid i hid myself under my sheets. i didnt open the door even if i heard him banging it. i cried silently. then i heard the clinging of the keys...my body's shaking in fear... "oh, my God he's gonna open the door! oh God please help me..." "there you are, little girl...arent you feeling well that's why you're on your bed this early? you havent eaten your dinner yet..." "oh God help...please...help..." i silently prayed. my eyes are closed. then i felt the sheet wasnt covering me anymore. i felt his hand on my face. "why are you crying, baby? is something wrong? do you want me to tuck you in?" i didnt open my eyes for fear of what im gonna see. i felt him move away. still, i didnt open my eyes. still silently praying for help. then i felt him sit on my bed again. i felt his breath fanning my face. tears swelled up again. then i felt his lips touch mine. i felt his body covered mine. i panicked. i opened my eyes. i was stunned to see him already naked. i tried to scream but he covered my mouth with his hand. i tried to push him back but he's too big and heavy that i just cant...i cried helplessly as he ripped my school uniform...i cried again so hard...the same thing had happened. but i did nothing but cry...when he's done,he picked up his clothes then got out of my room without any word. i was left crying. my dreams were shattered...again...my life was broken. and i just dont know if i can still pick up the pieces...

that thing happened almost everyday while mom and dad were away...that thing happened repeatedly in one week....i didnt say a word. for the span of one week, i have learned to control my feelings...i have learned to let not a single teardrop fall...for i know...this will be over soon...and most of all, i learned how to seek revenge...

last day of mom and dad's trip. tomorrow they'll be home again... i just got home from school that day... before i went to my room, i dropped at the kitchen first. got something and hit it in my bag. then i went upstairs. i opened the door and was not surprised to see my brother on my bed. with just his briefs on. i put my bag on the bed-side table. he stood up and welcomed me with a mouth-mouth kiss. i closed my eyes and thought this would be over soon. he trailed kisses from my cheeks down to my neck. i just stood still. he took my clothes off. he laid me on my bed. i can feel his warm body through mine. i keep on telling myself this would be over soon...then i felt him inside me...i closed my eyes...and again after so many days, i cried...while enjoying his self with my body, i tried to reach my bag which is only on the side table. i carefully opened it searching for that thing i got from the kitchen. when i got it,  i raised it high and with trembling hands, i stabbed my brother on the back... "aaahhh!" "how do you feel that huh, brother?" i stabbed him once again...and again...and again...til he run out of life...i was again crying so hard as he lay lifeless on top of me. blood soaked his naked body as well as mine... i dropped the knife and shouted at the top of my lungs...i cried so hard... at last... it is over....//